you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
