operation harelip BJ is a go
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize