Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
