I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
