Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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