God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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