Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
