Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
