fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
