Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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