just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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