Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
