C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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