I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
A+ Viking dick
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
