I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
