I look better un-naked...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
