He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
