ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
