be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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