She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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