She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
