I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
