standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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