if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
