I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
