pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
