My friends, they love my intelligence
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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