Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
