brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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