I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
