i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
