No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
