Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
