she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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