The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
