So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
