If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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