she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
