six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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