My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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