come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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