genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
