problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
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He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
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No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.