Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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