Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now