I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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