glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
