He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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