I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
