Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
