i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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