Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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