the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
