I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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