I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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