Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Small penises have feelings too.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
