remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
