Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
