She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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