I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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