I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
