Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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