FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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