The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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