I just cut my nipple shaving
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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