He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
