quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
